The Walk Part Two

Debbie and Naomi were playing a board game when I entered the living room. John was sat at the dining table scribbling on a note pad. I had enjoyed a shower and shave and felt refreshed for the first time in three days. I saw Naomi's hand shaking as she prepared to roll the die, her grip grew tighter around it and she stopped the rhythmic motion with her arm and sat still in a daze. Debbie looked round at me with sad eyes and I walked to Naomi, placed one hand on her shoulder and placed my other on her clenched fist. She stared blankly ahead for a few seconds then opened her hand and let the die fall to the floor. She turned to face me and tears welled in her eyes, her lips trembled as she opened her mouth and told me she was scared, then the floodgates opened and she dug her head into my chest and gripped me the hardest she ever had. It took all of my will to not lose it and to start blabbing with her, I had to stay strong, I needed to push emotions to one side and run entirely on survival instincts. I held her and whispered the only thing I could think to comfort her.  'We will be alright, I love you'.  'Six!' Debbie said as enthusiastically as she could muster and Naomi pulled her red puffy face away from me and looked down at the die. 'Yaay' she snorted trying hard to keep up the pretence. She picked up her piece and moved it round the board. 'Do I get another go?'. 'Right I've done it!' John said proudly as he stood from the table. He walked over and sat on the floor cross legged with a piece of paper gripped in both hands,  a great beaming smile on his face. I hadn't seen a smile in a while. He held up the paper and announced that if it was going to be the end of the world that he no longer wanted to be known as John Caneham and he had written a list of names that he wanted the group to chose one from. I was worried about John. His parents had called and insisted they were coming to pick all of us up and they would be an hour. That was forty two hours previous. John was obviously worried sick after a few hours, but tried to hide it. We tried to talk to him but what could we have said? What words would have been right? I don't think any of us had the right words. He didn't want to talk about it anyway. He just bottled it up, he let the guilt and the hurtful visions loop around inside his mind over and over. After a whole twenty four hours I think something just snapped in his brain and he went from being focused, strong and having a good understanding of what was happening to not being bothered anymore, like he gave up and didn't take the situation seriously. He had dressed himself in a suit and a bowler hat that afternoon and sat and read a book silently, then after an hour or so went and got changed. None of us said anything. I'm sure Debbie had talked to him about it in private, but at the time we just left him to it. Now he wanted to be called 'Zeus', 'Thor' or his favourite 'Sledgehammer'.   Debbie looked him straight in the eyes and calm as a button told John to snap out of it, that he was being a fucking idiot and that If we were going to survive, that we needed him, that she needed him and that she understood how he was feeling and that she was sorry about his parents, but no one had heard from their parents and we all feared the worst. When she started to explain I saw the anger in his eyes, that 'how dare you lecture me' look I've seen before from many sets of eyes, but then as the words sunk in a light came on in those blue eyes and John came back. We could all see him thinking about his actions and realising he had been acting strange as he listened. then as Debbie finished and a tear ran down her cheek he looked her dead in the eye, gave a wry smile and apologised.  It's understandable that we were all freaked out. We were about to attempt to flee the building and the sun was rising. The girls packed up the board game and we stood around looking at the place we were leaving behind.  It took four hours of crying, screaming, slamming doors and general falling outs before the final decision to leave was agreed by all. The girls didn't want to leave the flat. They said it was suicide and that I was a fool for suggesting it, that after all I had been through to get to them I should know better. When John said I had a point the girls stormed off and went and sat together in the bedroom. John and I sat and made our points to each other and then decided to play football on his console as we did not know if we would ever get chance to again. After an hour or so the girls emerged and said that they had calmed down and we should all discuss it without all getting riled. So we sat and discussed it calmly and still came to the same verdicts, two for leaving two against. That night in bed Naomi asked me to think of a full plan and why we were safer out there than in the barricaded building we were in. She promised that If I thought it through start to finish and if it made sense, she would back me. I didn't sleep much that night, I thought out my plan, every possible situation that I could think of, analysed and double processed, neatly organised in my mind. When I had done all that and translated it into what I would use verbally I had a strange feeling of satisfaction, a rare feeling, I couldn't remember any point in the past I had planned anything to this standard. The next morning I  gave my speech, I advised that there were a lot of cars abandoned in the street outside and around the outskirts of the city, that even though none of the group could legally drive, we were all intelligent enough to know the basics. I pointed out that the roads were dry at that point so we should be ok. John had to explain the clutch and biting point theory to Debbie but apart from that driving a car didn't worry anyone. I went on to say if we could get out of the city that we should head north, to the Highlands ideally, although petrol could be a challenge, but still somewhere remote and mountainous. I also added that the highlands had a low population and the dead would struggle with the mountain passes. I reminded Naomi of the cabin we had stayed at four years previously, which faced a Loch and backed onto a forested mountainside. I said that would be an ideal place to go and she agreed reluctantly, John and Debbie were unsure but they trusted me. John pointed out that the cold weather might freeze the dead too, which I hadn't thought of. The idea was sinking in with the girls but the horse wasn't over the line just yet.  'So,' Debbie started 'you want us all to leave this warm fortress that hasn't had any trouble..'  'Yet.' John pointed out.  '....which has running water and a shop full of food in it (we had discussed knocking a hole in the wall of the flat next to the shop as there was no entrance in the building itself, but it seemed too risky) and try and drive four hundred miles and up a mountain to freeze and eat, well eat what? Thorns?' she was getting angry but she held herself back, breathed in, blew out her anger and then finished.  'Give me one good reason why we should not stay. Just one.'  It only took one, I had been saving it as I knew it would clinch it, it was the original reason why I wanted out. I hadn't mentioned what the army were doing to them all by this point, I knew it would cause more panic but now I needed to explain. I told them of the lines outside the hospital, the hundreds of people slaughtered because of the possibility of one being infected and getting through. It was a hard thing to explain, I have trouble putting my emotions into words at the best of times. They all sat and listened as a told my story. As I talked, memories overwhelmed my mind, I felt a deep burning in my chest and a choking in my throat and then the emotions shot up into my head and I burst into a uncontrollable fit of tears. I haven't cried in a long time, I'm not saying I think men who cry are wimps or anything,there's nothing wrong with, it's just that i don't get that upset at much. Naomi always says I'm distant emotionally, I  think that she is right. Naomi held me as I cried and let me get it out of my system. I forgot how crying makes your eyes sting and gives you headache, a dull pain for expelling your pent up feelings, seems unfair to me. After I had pulled myself together I continued on, ignoring Naomi's questions of how we would get past the army and explained that in the three days since the outbreak not one solider had stepped foot within five hundred yards of the city centre and that if they were killing anyone who tried to leave their perimeter, that it would only be a matter of time before they cleansed the city. They were shocked at this, but understood that I was right, even if they didn't want to admit it to themselves.  'What do you mean by cleansing?' Debbie asked.  'I don't know, probably send in troops to kill everything that moves, work the streets, take out the buildings one at a time. Most likely they will just carpet bomb the city with napalm or something, either way I don't want to be around for that.'  Everyone agreed with what I was saying and what had been the girls fortress became a fearful place to them. We decided to leave at first light so packed basic clothes, food and toiletries in the rucksacks and laptop bag we had available, ate and then tried to get some sleep. I managed to nod off after a while, I could hear distant moans from the dead through the blanketed closed window and it made me think about my journey to the flat. How I had thought myself to be some sort of hero for walking and hiding and taking out a few sluggish dead. Now I was realising that what I had achieved was nothing compared to what I would need to do. I was scared, but I couldn't show it, I needed to be strong.  I dreamt of being in prison, locked away in a cell, nothing but a bed,  a shit bucket and a heavy locked grey door with a slot on the door which was open. I was mesmerised by the darkness in the space, transfixed on the gaping hole, then slowly, at first, came the moans of the dead. I could hear them shuffling towards the door, hundreds of them all moaning in unison, all boasting of the meal they had found. They closed in on the door, a hand came from the darkness through the slot, then another, then another all reaching out towards me. The moans were deafening now and seemed to be coming from all around, then there was a low rumble and the whole cell shook, plaster fell away from the walls and gaps appeared all around, then hands started to come through each, hundreds of fans all reaching out for the star attraction. Then they started to rip holes bigger in the walls and all in unison broke through at the same time and closed in on me. I crouched screaming, as they grabbed me and bit into me.   I woke sweating, I exhaled the nightmare from myself and noticed Naomi wasn't in bed. I could hear her and Debbie in the living room. I got up and had a shower then realised it was almost dawn.   We were stood together now, all thinking our separate thoughts, I couldn't imagine any of them were positive, I know mine were not. I shook the negativity from my mind and remembered something. I told the group we should if possible at some point try and withdraw as much money as we could get between us. We had no idea if money was any good but it was best to have it rather than not. There was no point doing that in the city, we would have plenty of shops and cash points on small villages on the way to do that. We decided that we would drive the back roads rather than the motorways as the motorways were blocked everywhere on the news when it was still being aired. We were concerned that the back roads would be blocked too, but we agreed that there were probably less dead on those roads than the herds they had showed shuffling up and down the motorways. We were all nervous now and it showed. John had an old printer he had in a cupboard that he had got out and printed directions to the lodge we had decided to head for, he had also printed out a map too. We all enjoyed a round of tea's and coffees wishing we had a flask and milk and then went over the first part of the plan one more time and then Debbie fed her fish and we left the flat. The corridors were quiet and empty, there was no sign that any of the dead had got in. When I arrived John had told me that most people had either left in the exodus or simply never came home at all, there were a couple of people still in the building, who had cleverly decided to guard the doors as soon as the outbreak began, therefore monitoring who came and went. John had visited each of the remaining residents with our plan but none wanted in, I suppose we could of tried harder to save them, but it's not like we could of forced them to leave. We made our way to the ground floor and to the blocked entrance. John had a baseball bat that a resident had given him and Debbie, Naomi and I had sixteen inch pipes we had unscrewed from the railings on the stairwell. I doubted they would last more than a few blows but we weren't going out there to kill all the zombies, we just needed to keep them off us. I reminded all of that point and then asked I'd they we're ready, they all said no. I turned and listened, I couldn't hear any close range moaning so flicked the switch which unlocked the big heavy door, opened it a few inches and peeked out. I could see a car opposite but after checking the roads noticed that the road on one side was blocked by cars that had piled up and we didn't want to go the other way as it ran straight into the centre of town. I closed the door and explained that we would need to walk down the road and past the pile up and if the road was clear, find a car there. I looked at the girls and said that they were going to see some awful things, but no matter what they saw to never stop, to say focused and that John and I would protect them. I don't think that helped with their fears, as Debbie stated that she was going to be sick.   Reluctantly we made our way out of the building and onto the street and found our path to the pileup clear. We stuck close to the buildings and slowly made our way, I tried not to look at the bodies, the blood that was covering the street. All around were the remains of the poor souls who had succumbed to the dead and had at least been lucky enough to have been too devoured to reanimate. I told the girls not to look and I took there hands, one by one stepped them over a pile of unrecognisable guts and body parts festering in a torn open rib cage which had maggots crawling all around finishing off what the ghouls had left. Obviously I couldn't keep their eyes off everything, I tried to make sure Naomi kept looking at me rather than the surroundings, but she saw the toddler, we all did. He was around eighteen months old. He must of been travelling through town with his parents because he was in a car baby seat, which had been pulled or pushed out of the open back door of a red Mercedes. The baby chair was face down and the toddler was trapped underneath it still in the straps. He had one leg missing, only tendons and ripped bones protruding, his foot was still in its tiny sock and shoe twenty feet away. He had lost all his fingers and half his palm was missing up to the thumb on his left arm. He was wriggling around, trapped under the seat hissing at us as we passed. Not moaning, hissing, I suppose his vocal chords hadn't developed enough to moan like an adult ghoul. It was the hissing that drew Naomi's eyes to it, she stopped frozen and I grabbed her hand and tried to pull her along, but she held firm and stared. I still have nightmares about that toddler. I can't imagine what it did to Naomi. I told her there was nothing we could do and had to keep moving, John was holding Debbie who was crying and I remember thinking that even though I had a decent enough plan which was well thought out, that out here there was going to be things we could never imagine seeing. Naomi stared at the toddler and without taking her eyes off him asked me if we would help him. I told her there was nothing we could do and dragged her away. I knew what she had meant from her question but I wasn't going to waste time and bring attention to ourselves,  mainly there was no way I could of lived with myself if I had gone over to that small child. We got to the pile up and things didn't get any better. It seems that pretty much straight after the poor people had experienced their crash, the ones who survived had been set upon by the dead. There was blood covering the vehicles and there insides, doors were open and one fords windscreen wipers were wiping someone's lower intestines back and forth across the windscreen as the lifeless remains of their owner laid motionless on top. John motioned to the other side. It was clear, no ghouls. I wondered where they were, we could hear them in the distance but couldn't see any. Past the wreckage we could see the road was also clear and seeing a few cars spread out abandoned gave me hope that I hadn't made a mistake with my plans. John smiled at me, turned and started to walk between the smashed cars through the only gap available, I shouted for him to stop, which he did and I walked over and pointed to a car to his left. The car was facing away from us and John hadn't noticed the dead inside, trapped by his seatbelt after turning. John thanked me and walked up to the window which was open and the ghoul snarled and tried to reach out for him. John poked the end of the baseball bat into the side of its head and gently pushed his head back away forming a space, then motioned us to go through one at a time. Once through he gave the ghoul a good whack, not doing any damage to it, turned to me and said.  'These zombies ain't shit'.  We slowly made our way through the gaps and as we neared the end Debbie stopped dead, lifted one finger up like she was testing the wind and looked at the floor. 'Listen.' she said. We didn't notice at first so she spelled it out for us.  'Those moans are getting louder!'  I looked back and couldn't see the street due to the mountain of crushed metal but I knew she was right. Not only was it getting louder but they were close, real close. I turned and shouted for everyone to run, which everyone did. I shouted to head to the cars and find one with keys.  There were four close now so I shouted to check a car each. I got to a Landrover and found the door open but no keys, I turned to see Naomi turning from a Seat and shouting that it was locked and had no keys, John had no keys at the Ford he had checked. I turned towards the moans. The herd, I say herd but really it was an exodus. There must of been at least a thousand of them, all staring right at us. Luckily the pileup was stopping them all getting through, but they was a slow stream who had been pushed through the gap and were making their way towards us. It was buying us time but not long. I turned back round to tell everyone to run on but was interrupted by Debbie shouting that she had a car with keys. We ran over to the green golf and I told the girls to get in the back, keeping my eye on the dead who were now only two hundred yards away. John had moved a few feet towards them and was slapping the head of his bat in his palm, Thor wanted to play. I still think he thought he could take them all, the crazy fool. Once the girls were in I flipped the passenger seat forward and told John to get in. I went to the drivers side, closed the door and looked at the gear leaver. I expressed vocally my desires for the golf to start and to be good, put on my seatbelt and turned the key.  'come on, come on, come on.' I muttered as I pumped the pedal and the car sparked into life. I creaked the gear into first, lifted the clutch and the car stalled. 'Shit' I shouted and started again. Everyone was freaking out because the dead were fifty feet away and if enough surrounded us we wouldn't have been going anywhere. I checked into first again and heard the first ghouls bumping into the rear of the car and start pressing their face against the glass. The girls were screaming now for me to drive and I tried the clutch again. This time the car started to roll forward and I stepped on the gas a little more. In all the movies you see the heroes getting into a car and speeding away as fast as possible, all tyres screeching and smoking as they blast away. This wasn't like that. I think the fastest I went as we headed out of the city was about twenty five. There was no way I was going to go fast when I wasn't experienced at driving but no one minded, zombies can't walk as fast as we can, so a car going twenty five was pretty safe in our book. I had to think of fuel economy as well, the tank was three quarters full, but I didn't know how far that would get us, none of us did and we had no idea If we would find any more. I suppose I wouldn't of admitted it at the time but I was also driving slow because I knew sometime soon we would come face to face with the army. It turned out that a more appropriate phrase would be 'face to body parts strewn across a street'. As we approached it was clear there had been a massacre, but not one like I'd encountered on my way in, this massacre was performed by the dead. The girls were uncomfortable as we passed the remains of her majesties best.  The blood of the innocents who had been trying to flee was glazed by a new layer of fresh army remains. There was obviously a fight, but one that ended badly. We were clearing the carnage when I saw something and stopped the car. Everyone asked what I was doing and then got hysterical when I opened the door and got out. 'hang on a minute.' I told them and walked over to a dead soldier who's cranium had been smashed open and the little remains of his brain matter spilled out onto the floor. I leant down and took a pistol from his side, then found two clips on his belt. John had seen this and jumped out of the car.  'I can do better than that' he said and disappeared inside a tent that had been erected in the street and then reappeared holding a shotgun and motioned me over. There were a few rifles, shotguns and machine guns laying on a desk with lots of shells and full clips. We didn't need to discuss it, we just emptied an army bag that we found under the desk and put two shotguns, three pistols and a machine gun in it. John carried as much ammo as he could and we went back to the car. I stalled it again but got it going the second time, everyone laughed and I told them I would be laughing when it was their turn. The atmosphere of death faded with every mile we left the city behind us, we all relaxed and after twenty miles started talking and joking like a family would on a normal trip to the seaside. We talked about the past, the future. What happened? How long will it last? Will it ever be as it was? serious questions that we managed to turn into silly conversations just to avoid talking about the things we had seen and to feel normal, even if it was only for a while . After a few hours, and a lot of wrong turns we came across a petrol station in a small village. I got out and looked around, the place seemed abandoned so I tried the pump, which happened to have unleaded in it. Debbie had gone to the cash machine to get some money and John was looking for his wallet in his rucksack to do the same. I stuck the nozzle in and squeezed praying that I was putting the right fuel in the car. I wasn't paying attention, I was watching the dials rotating on the pump wondering why I'd never bothered learning to drive as it was easy. We all heard Debbie scream and I turned to see her fighting to run from a ghoul who had gripped her hair he was around six two and at first glance seemed human like, just with a fresh grey tinge to his complection. Every step she took to get away just pulled her back towards it. I didn't flinch, I dropped the pump and ran towards them and could sense John doing the same. I didn't think about pulling the pistol from my jeans and just dived in head first into the ghouls stomach, knocking it back and pulling Debbie with it. John got there and started to pull the deads hand off the thick hair it had in its grip. It sat up to go for John and I put my hand over its chest and pulled it back towards myself and away from John. It's grip loosened on Debbie as its head turned and saw me, those wide pearl white eyes all loud and excited. As I put my hand up to stop his face colliding with mine it opened its mouth and plunged its teeth into my bare flesh. I'm sure if you compare the pain to someone who had been hurt in a fire, or tortured, the pain I felt then would be no where near that level, but when you consider that the second those teeth dug through my skin I knew I was dead. My life was over. There was no escape, no survival, no more protecting Naomi, no more me. No amount of physical injury could ever overshadow this.  I pushed the zombie off my arm and jumped when it's head exploded from the shotgun shells hitting its skull. It fell motionless next to me. John was pointing the shotgun at me but looking at my bleeding wrist.  'Aaw man!' he said and lowered the gun and squatted resting his elbows on the butt, he knew the score. I wish I had reacted different but I wasn't thinking straight, Debbie had gone back to the car and Naomi was looking at me through the back window tears streaming down her face. I got to my feet and walked up to John and told him to look after Naomi, to stick to the plan and then I told him to drive away. He wouldn't do it, he blankly refused, so I lost it. I screamed at him,  said awful things I didn't mean just to get them away, I knew the shot from John killing the zombie would attract more. I pulled the pistol from my jeans and pointed it at John. 'Get the fuck away' I cocked the gun 'NOW!'  John wasn't stupid, he knew what was going on and he both apologised and thanked me I told him to get Naomi safe and he ran to the car. He closed the door and started the engine, Naomi was screaming at him asking him what he was doing then after he had replied she turned around and placed her hands on the window, screaming my name, tears streaming down her face. I thought I'd never encounter anything more terrible than seeing the toddler, but watching the woman you love driving away, not knowing if she would be safe is much much worse. At the time I was lost in anger, I should of gone, I should of held her, I should of told her all the things I meant to but never did. I should of said goodbye. Instead I lost it and freaked. I found that a door at the back of the shop was unlocked and went inside, grabbed a drink and chocolate and sat in a corner eating as much sugar as I could enjoy before the inevitable happened. I had a cigarette and enjoyed nicotine for the last time. I could feel the burning in my arm. It made its way up to my shoulder in what seemed like minutes then across my chest. It felt like every rib had been broken and got worse the more I breathed. I became dizzy and lost all focus. I was both hot and cold, sweaty but dry. I closed my eyes and thought of Naomi, of my parents, my childhood and all the great people I had met in my short life. I refused to spend my last moments thinking negative thoughts. That's all I had ever done. My ending was going to be sweet and I wasn't going to come back as a one of those things. I had placed the pistol, cocked, on my lap, I thought my happy thoughts and felt a warmth pass over me. I could feel something, like I was being dragged towards a darkness. I knew it was time. I opened my eyes and could barely make out the pistol. I tried to move my arms to pick it up but had left it too late. I was too weak, too far gone to even grip the gun, let alone lift it to my temple and fire. I cursed my stupidity and hoped that someone would find me and finish me off before I hurt anyone. then I thought of Naomi,  just her smile.The one she saved for me, a smile your lover gives when they watch you sleep, when they are proud or just happy to be there with you, a smile that made me happy, relaxed me and then I let go and then there was nothing. My eyes opened and I couldn't believe it. Not only had I had my life taken, but it appeared that my soul was still stuck in this dead cannibal to see everything 'it' does, everywhere 'it' goes, for ever. I waited for it to take control and get my body to its feet, but it didn't move, then I felt the pain in my wrist, I moved my arm, me, I moved it, not some evil force that was in control. I had somehow survived. I got up and shook off the fading dizziness and couldn't believe what was happening. How was I still here? I put my hand up to my mouth and breathed out. I was breathing, but was I alive? I felt alive, but I also felt different. I couldn't define what it was, but something, something I sensed that was for the better. I knew what I needed to do, I needed to find Naomi. I needed to find them and then find out what had happened to me. In the moment I became overwhelmed and actually laughed just before I passed out.